Tuesday, August 26, 2014

AND NOW, FOR THE HARD OF HEARING


This is our Sunday morning routine:  Drive to Raider Ranch.  Help Meems and her BFF, Leonard, get into the car.  Buckle their seat belts.  Drive to church.  Unbuckle their seat belts.  Load Meems up in her little travel wheelchair.  Wheel her into groovy church with Leonard following close behind.  Get them situated in their seats.  Go get their donuts.  Meems wants 1/2 a cup of decaf and 2 donut halves.  Leonard prefers a juice box and a bottled water with his 2 donut halves.  Deliver donuts and drinks.  By the time we've done all of this, the service has started and before we have time to sit down, it's time to stand up and sing.

The best part of the morning is the time we spend with them in the car.  It goes something like this:


Me:  Mom, how did you sleep last night?

Leonard:  YOUR DAUGHTER WANTS TO KNOW HOW YOU SLEPT LAST NIGHT?

Meems (in her tiny voice):  Fine.

Leonard:  Your mother says she slept just fine.

Meems:  When is my next dentist appointment?  I know I have one, I just can't remember when it is.

Leonard:  She says she wants to know when her next dentist appointment is.  She says she knows you told her, but she can't remember when you said it is.

Me:  Mom, it's in January 2015.  You'll be 89 years old then.  I'll keep you posted.

Meems:  Oh.  

Leonard:  YOUR DAUGHTER SAID THAT IT'S NOT UNTIL JANUARY OF 2015 AFTER YOU TURN 89.  SHE'LL KEEP YOU POSTED.

Meems:  Oh.

Sometimes, Leonard takes it upon himself to let us know about any health "issues" that Meems hasn't mentioned to us.

Leonard:  Your mom has the constipation.  Can you get her something at the store for that?

Alan and I look at each other choking back laughter.  Eye rolling happens.

Me:  Mom, did you run out of fruitcake?  (She likes to keep Collins Street Bakery fruitcakes on hand year-round because of their tasty laxative qualities.)

Leonard:  DO YOU STILL HAVE SOME OF THAT FRUITCAKE?  DOESN'T IT HELP YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM?

Mom:  I'm almost out of it.  Oh, wait.  I may have another one in the freezer.

Leonard:  Your mother says that she may be almost out of it, but she might have another one in the freezer.  (turns to Mom)  DO YOU WANT CAROLYN TO COME IN WHEN THEY DROP US OFF FROM CHURCH TO SEE IF SHE CAN FIND A FRUITCAKE IN YOUR FREEZER?  

Mom:  No.  I'll find it.  But I don't know when my next dentist appointment is.



And that, my friends is why I take a Sunday afternoon nap.

AND THAT, MY FRIENDS IS WHY I TAKE A SUNDAY AFTERNOON NAP.