Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Women of a Certain Age

There are some peculiar idiosyncrasies that seem to be common amongst women "of a certain age."  I'll define the age as 50-65.  After the age of 65, the idiosyncrasies change and are bundled into one neat word, "dementia."

As a 53 year old, idiosyncratic woman I present to you my confessional:
  • I have been known to be wearing 3 pairs of readers at one time - one pair on my nose, one pair on my head or hat, and one pair dangling from the collar of my shirt.  I have also noticed that when I have been sporting 3 pairs of readers, no one answers me when I ask, "Have any of you seen my readers?"
  • While putting on my makeup, I use a hand mirror to do the "detail work" which includes working with a mascara wand, a eyeliner pencil, or a pair of tweezers.  About once a week, I think to myself, "Hmm.  I can't see my eyelashes (or lash line or chin hair)."  After spinning the mirror to the other side, I'm always shocked when I realize that I had already been using the magnified side.
  • The decor on my night table includes a lamp, a clock on an easel, a small topiary, and a jumbo bottle of Tums.
  • Somehow, I got on the mailing list for the AARP.
  • Words like "Glucosamine" and "Chondroitin" have tiptoed into my vocabulary.
  • When I have the privilege of holding a baby or a small child, instead of missing my own sons' baby fresh smells, I long for a fragrant grandchild.
  • Going to matinees and dining at 5:00 both greatly appeal to me.
  • A couple of times I've been stopped by residents at Raider Ranch, the new home of Mimi (age 83), and asked, "When did you move in?"  I hold no grudges due to the fact that the actual minimum age requirement for "luxury, carefree living" is 55.
  • Sometimes when I'm reading a magazine, I realize that I've been holding it at arm's length which can only mean one of 2 things:  1) my readers are still on top of my head, or 2) it's time to move up to 2.0 readers.
  • I came to the grim realization a few weeks ago that I probably shouldn't be wearing shorts in public again.  Ever.  
  • My ears prick up when I hear the words "health care reform." 
  • The words "luxury, carefee living" sound really good to me.
Truth be told, I've actually thoroughly enjoyed each season of my life thus far.  Each decade represents a milestone conquered and valuable lessons learned.  New wisdom.  New understanding.  New vocabulary.  Same old me.

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