Wednesday, November 24, 2010

sPaM-bLoCkERs

I have my eye on a new career.  I can work from home every day in my pajamas.  I'm not sure how the pay works, but I can't wait to find out.  I aspire to be a Spam-Blocker Vocabulary Generator Technician - known in the business as  "Splock Techs."

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term "spam-blocker":  Spam-blockers are those hard to read wavy words that one must enter when signing up for just about anything on the web. 

Examples:
woof Tomb
PauNchy tree
gaLaxy schRub
murk splendor
fewn higGle

I have been working up a repertoire to submit with my resume.  I have created categories and themes in order to heighten the thrill of the spam-blocking experience.  Below are some samplings of my creations from a few of my collections:

  • Autumn SplendorFoOtball bLupers, Kotton GinNin' tYMe, 4 aLaRm cHiLi  
  • Havin' a BallBoWLing4 KAsh, linE of scRim Age, 3 UP 3 DoWn
  • Holiday MagicfranKinceNse 'n' Myrrh, tRim dA tReE, CaLoRiES gUh-Lore
  • Ladies Who Lunch - sAlad DreSsing on thu sIDE, WaTEr wit LiM oN, HoW mUch Is mY ParT O dA biLL?
  • Oldies But Goodies - i WAnna hoLd uR HaNd, 3 DawG niTE, bLU suH-WaDe sHooz

I especially enjoy the audio version of the blockers.  After simply clicking on the audio button, a fascinating recording begins.  It begins with some very distracting "white noise" like radio static underneath which a voice quietly lists a few words like "orange, cake, driveway, bird."  It's awesome!  Not to mention entertaining!  The possibilities are endless...

  • Screeching tires followed by a crash with the words (spoken by a frantic woman) "call," "you," "right," and "back."
  • Crunchy popcorn chomping and straw slurping noises with "I," "don't," "know," "nothing," "about," "birthin'," "babies," "Miss," and "Scarlet" whispered underneath the noshing noises by a woman with a slow Southern drawl.
  • Doors slamming, cabinets opening and closing, and feet stomping back and forth coupled with a man's frustrated voice yelling "has," "anyone," "seen," "my," "blankety," "blank," and "keys."
  • Little boys laughing hysterically accompanied by the whirring sounds of a small kitchen appliance with an angry female voice exclaiming "put," "the," "lid," "on," "the," "blender!" 
I have decided to create my own company dedicated to spam blocker creativity.  My company will be called "miGht aS WeLL hAve fUn whiLE U JumP thrOUgh ThiS hOOP."  "MAWHFWUJTTH" [mof-wooj-thu] for short. 

The next time you enter in your information on a website or try to participate in an online poll, and you see an entertaining phrase like "WhuZ uP doC?," know that I'm living my dream. 

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