Wrapped 'n' Ready

My Christmas cards have been ordered.  I bought my Christmas stamps yesterday.  Just now, I ordered my first Christmas gift on amazon.com. 

This is the year.  With God as my witness, I'm going to be "wrapped and ready by Thanksgiving."

This obsession began years ago when I visited a dear friend in early December (let's just call her Lindy...).  Her house was all decorated.  There were tons of wrapped presents under the tree.  I was agog to say the least.

"Lindy, how did you DO IT!?" I asked.

"I work on it all year.  I like to be wrapped and ready by Thanksgiving so that I can actually enjoy the holiday season," she explained.

I had been raised in a you-kids-go-to-bed-because-Santa-Claus-can't-come-until-she-finishes-wrapping-presents home.  Mom still tells about the time that she stayed up all night on Christmas Eve to finish some cute clothes that she was sewing up for Kathy and me.  The only wrapped presents under our tree before December 25th were the new panties for Grandma and the toy for our little cousin, Sherry.  I grew up with no packages to shake.

So, when Lindy uttered those words, a big halo of light surrounded her chestnut curly locks, and cherubs began to sing..."ahhh, ahhh, AHHHHHH!"  The Gates of Epiphany were flung wide open before me!  I had found a new way to live!  Wrapped and Ready by Thanksgiving!  How simple!  How brilliant!

On that very day, I decided to make WARBT my mission.  I tried to trick myself into thinking that November 30th was secretly December 24th.  I began to decorate for Christmas just before Thanksgiving.  Alan's birthday is December 1, so it felt good to have all of the Christmas regalia in place to mark the occasion.  

I had WARBT hopes and dreams.  There I would be on December 1 sitting in front of a roaring fire handing Alan his birthday gifts which had been tucked underneath der glowing tannenbaum amongst the beautifully wrapped Christmas gifts for everyone from our parents to the postman.  Soft music would be playing...kinda like this...

Ultimately, it was the shopping and the Christmas cards that brought me down. Oh, and the Christmas letter.  Sooo...

WARBT = FAIL.

I began to suffer from WARBT Stress Syndrome.  I SOOO wanted to be like Lindy and have Christmas Cookie Swaps with my closest 20 friends and their children.  I, too, wanted my Christmas cards to appear in mailboxes on December 1.  Alas, with three active sons (as opposed to Lindy's FOUR active children), I just couldn't keep all of the Christmas balls in the air.

This year, I have reached the apex of my Empty Nest Freedom.  I WILL be WARBT!!!

• I will do all of my shopping on Amazon.com within a matter of hours.
• I will wrap each present as soon as the all too familiar Amazon.com box lands upon my porch.
• I will forgo the Christmas letter and refer people to Finding the Funny:  pick-a-post-any-post.
• I will try to convince my sons that they are way too old for stockings. 

God rest ye merry gentlemoms.

Postscript:  I actually told Lindy about my raging case of WARBT Stress Syndrome a few years ago.  She laughed and told me that she hadn't been wrapped and ready in years.