My mom sees several doctors every day. Twice a day. Her "specialists" are Dr. Masterson, Dr. Ordon, Dr. Sears, and Dr. Stork. Her "primary care physician" is the beloved Dr. Oz who, by the way, has a huge posse of "patients" at Raider Ranch, the "master-planned, gated active retirement community featuring luxury homes for those at least 55 years of age, located in the heart of Texas." His devotees hang onto his every word. They proudly quote him with great regularity. The Meems quotes Dr. Oz during her actual doctor appointments. "DR. OZ SAYS that apple cider is good for acid reflux." (Funny thing is...she wasn't there complaining of acid reflux. She had a questionable mole that Dr. Oz thought needed checking because it's bigger than the tip of a pencil eraser.)
Discussion in the car last Sunday as we were heading to church with Mom and her best friend, Leonard:
Mom: Would you ask Dr. Robertson if it's OK if I take Raspberry Tea-Cones? I need to lose some weight before the cruise in June. [She has "outgrown" the shorts that she bought last year for her trip to Hawaii...]
Me: Do you mean Raspberry KE-TONES? [The very day before, I saw a Groupon for some miraculous Raspberry Ketone pills. I researched them carefully. Not sold on them.]
Mom: Yes. DR. OZ SAYS they make you lose weight.
Me: He does, does he? Hmmm. Why don't you just stop eating dessert every night and take some extra strolls around Raider Ranch? [Leonard laughs out loud.]
Mom: I don't want to stop eating dessert, and I already walk all the way to the dining room at dinner. It's a long walk to the dining room. DR. OZ SAYS that Raspberry Tea-Cones can make you lose weight no matter what you eat. Ask Dr. Robertson if he thinks that they would be alright for me to take.
Me: I think that it would be easier to just get some new shorts. [Again, Leonard laughs out loud.]
Mom: Well, ask him anyway.
I asked Dr. Robertson. He's never heard of Raspberry Tea-Cones. So, Mom and I have worked out a deal. I have given her several pairs of the shorts that are now too big for me, and she has given me some of her "outgrown" pairs of shorts. Problem solved. Bring on the 2 scoops of "pass-smoe-knee!" That's Meems' talk for "spumoni."
"They have really good pass-smoe-knee at Raider Ranch! You should try it sometime! It's got 3 kinds of ice cream in it! There's...ummmm...chocolate and...let me think...oh, yeah!...vanilla...and...best of all!...cherry with little bits of cherry in it! It's really good! You need to try it!"
Hmm. I wonder if Dr. Oz recommends "pass-smoe-knee" for weight loss.