This has been the longest lapse I've had in blogging....ever! A friend actually called to check on me. I know how she feels because if I don't get a Christmas card from someone who ALWAYS sends Christmas cards, I assume that some sort of family disaster has prevented the traditional holiday cheer mail out.
So, for all you mother hens who may have been worried about me...
this very day, my beloved and I are celebrating 32 years of amazing marriage
Bryce and Reed are coming home tomorrow from Baylor
Jonathan will fly in from Chicago on Christmas Eve
we are all happy and healthy
There now. Feel better? Me, too.
Now, to answer the bigger question. Was I WARBT? Well...it depends on what your definition of "is" is. I was 82-87ish% WARBT. I'm still working on wrapping since Amazon keeps placing packages on my porch every day. And, I'm still picking up little things here and there as mothers tend to do.
Here is what I've been busy with and lovin' every minute...
DecoratingGarlands
Decorating the Tree
We've been collecting Santa ornaments for 32 year during our travels ...and on sale at Hobby Lobby...
Displaying my Christmas Collections
Oops! Look at the time! I've got some errands to do!!! More to come!
On Wednesday, Mom called me all excited and said, "We're* going to Holiday Happening** tomorrow!"
*We = her compadres at Raider Ranch who have signed up to ride "for free" on the RR bus transporting the Ranchers to the event
**Holiday Happening = a grand 4 day fundraiser that the Junior League of Lubbock has every year - a style show, Breakfast with Santa, evening events, and a HUGE market hall filled with really tons vendors of cool stuff.
"That sounds fun," I tentatively replied. My years of Holiday Happening experience, including serving on the Holiday Happening Committee, raised a yellow caution flag in my brain. "It's going to be really crowded, I hope that you don't get lost," I warned.
"Leonard is going to go with me and help me find things," she assured me.
I greatest hope was that Leonard could help her find the bus home at the end of the outing.
"I want to get some more of that good lotion you gave me!"
Sidebar: My mother is notorious for walking into stores and asking to see the brown velvet pants that were shown on the front of their catalog "a couple of years ago"...not-dark-brown-they-were-light-brown-but-not-khaki. Don't even try to convince her that the saleslady will most likely roll her eyes in the same fashion I did.
"Mom, it's going to be really hard to find that lady out of all the booths at Holiday Happening. I'm not sure that I could find her with my 20/20 vision," I cautioned.
"I know,***" she replied blandly.
***I know = passive-agressive fake acquiescence
Yesterday afternoon as I was driving Leonard and the Meems to a function for Alan's bank, I asked them how they enjoyed Holiday Happening.
"It was OK," mom replied.
"Did you find that lotion?"
"No," she said quietly.
"We asked 28 people**** where the lotion was, and not a one of them could help us!!" Leonard exclaimed as if all of the Holiday Happening attendees were keeping secret the vendor of good lotions. "They didn't even know where I could find some notecards. I'm almost out of notecards!"
****28 people = an exact number because Leonard is a numbers guy who can tell you the exact number of state senators and representatives there are in the Texas and he's from Baltimore.
"Leonard, I can't recall ever seeing notecards there," I said trying to console him.
"Well, that's all I needed, and they didn't have any," he said looking out the car window.
"And, we couldn't find that lotion. Maybe you could go and see if you can find it," Meems added.
On Sunday when we pick up Mom and Leonard for church, I'm going to hold high over my head the extra bottle of lotion that I have squirreled away in my closet and herald it as Holiday Happening conquest. I believe that would fall under the category neatly titled, "Let's Don't and Say We Did." Boo-ya.
Being Wrapped-and-Ready-by-Thanksgiving (WARBT) is wearing me out. I've spent about 4 hours today cleaning and decorating two bedrooms. I'm starting in the vacant bedrooms so that Alan and I don't get sick of Christmas by the end of November.
I set out all of my Kitchmas treasures in Bryce's old room. It took me for freakin' ever to decorate the garland that goes over the window with a ba-zillion knee-hugger elves. It's one of my favorite Christmas collections, so I guess you could say that it's a labor of love. (Pictures to follow of the knee-hugger garland. First, I've got to get Alan's help pushing the iron bed back into place.)
Reed's room is full of snowmen. Each boy has a "tree" (that I turned into garlands a year or so ago to save space). Reed's is a snowman tree. Therefore, his room explodes with snow and icicles and snowmen during the holiday season. I love that he chose snowmen. He's got a great smile.
Bryce's ornaments have migrated to a garland in my bedroom. Jonathan's will soon be up in the guest room.
I believe that the year was 1977. I was a junior at Baylor. One lovely fall afternoon as I headed home from class, I found a little white envelope tucked under one of my car's wiper blades. My heart thumped. I knew that it was a message from my beloved Baylor sweetheart, Alan. Inside the envelope was tucked a perfect little crimson fall leaf on which was written in ball point pen "You are invited to the First Annual Fall Romp." The date and time were given. An adventure was about to unfold.
The following Saturday, Alan drove me to a particularly beautiful spot in Cameron Park where the bright fall leaves were floating from the trees. He had packed a fall picnic of cheeses, crackers, and deli meats. We sat there in the silence of the trees soaking in the beauty of a sun-filled fall afternoon.
For years to follow, I received a little leaf invitation to the Annual Fall Romp. We've had picnics in city parks, state parks, national parks, and our own back yard. Yes, we've missed a few years here and there as our kids were growing up. But, still the tradition has lived on in our hearts and memories.
Yesterday we returned from our Thirty-Somethingth Annual Fall Romp. This one took place in one of our favorite national parks: Zion. The air was crisp and clear. The leaves were golden and crimson and emerald. We hiked over 11 miles in 3 days time. This in itself was a miracle considering that I haven't been to Bodyworks in months. I can't even find the Bodyworks thingy that goes on my keychain.
At this time of year, the only people roaming around in national parks are the elderly, European tourists and young parents with preschoolers. The crowd was low. The trails were peaceful. There were very few interruptions to our Fall Romp Reverie.
More pictures have been posted on the Finding the Funny facebook page. Enjoy. If you ever get a hankering to head to Zion, let me know. I've got lots of suggestions for great hikes, places to stay, and amazing food to eat.
So, so red.
Alan videoing the falls over the Lower Emerald Pool.
The Upper Emerald Pool
It was on the trail to Hidden Canyon that I declared myself a Warrior Princess. MY WP name: She Who Conquered Her Fear of Heights.
Now that my nest is empty, I've really been missing my boys. I have started making and freezing some motherlove topped with cheese for Bryce and Reed to store in their apartment's freezer. (Sorry, Jonathan. I haven't perfected a method for shipping frozen entrees to Chicago. Yet.) These frozen love gifts have really helped soothe my loneliness for the three boys who not so long ago sprawled across the living room floor and the couch watching South Park with their dad. I hate South Park, but I loved having all my boys in the nest at the same time.
I've sent King Ranch Chicken, Chicken Enchiladas, Macaroni and Cheese, and Chicken Dumpling Pie back to Baylor with Bryce and Reed. Alan has sent ziplock baggies filled with smoked brisket. One day as I was chatting with Bryce on the phone, I told him that they need to make sure and eat the casseroles that are on the bottom of the pile in the freezer first to avoid freezer burn.
Bryce: "OK. We kinda like to save 'em for special occasions."
Me: "Special occasions?"
Bryce: "Like when me or Reed [yes. he knows better.] has a test or a big paper due or something. We had some King Ranch Chicken that day that I had my Learning and Behavior* test." (*psychology course)
Me: "Oh, yeah. That was a hard test. I'll bet thinking about hot, cheesy King Ranch Chicken for dinner made the test less painful."
Bryce: "Yeah."
On the way to the Baylor football game last weekend, I told Bryce that Mimi was going to have some of their mac and cheese for her dinner since she had opted to stay at their apartment instead of sitting in the stands cheering for the Bears. Bryce quickly said, "I hope she gets it from Reed's side!" "Huh?" I replied.
He told me about the special system that they have worked out for eating the casseroles.
Look very closely at the top corners of the foil. See the "B" written on the left side and the "R" written on the right side?
Bryce explained that they each start eating on opposite ends of the casserole until they get to the center. "That way we make sure that we each get half." My heart swelled with love for my men who still love their mamma's cooking.
Looks like Reed got robbed.
Love you boys! More mac and cheese heading your way!
This homecoming was especially important for a couple of reasons. It was probably the last time the Meems will make the trip from Lubbock to Waco to enjoy the festivities. And, a whole bunch of my Chi Omega buddies from the 70's were meeting up at different times during the weekend. So, last Friday morning, we loaded up Mimi, all of our carefully selected Homecoming "looks" - Pigskin couture, Parade-wear, and Game togs - as well as a borrowed wheelchair (here's a shout out to Shirley!!), and headed down the road to Waco.
Here are a few pictures of our adventures...
The Meems, Bryce, and Reed at Pigskin Thanks to Jeanette and Tommy Lou for the 3rd row seats! Mimi could actually see the people on stage!!
The Meems, my Baylor Boy, and me I'm still trying to figure out why I scrunched down for the picture.
Right in the middle of Pigskin, Mimi asked if we were in the Student Union Building. That won't be funny to anyone but Baylor peeps. We were in Waco Hall. Mimi has been to Waco Hall for Pigskin and Sing about a ba-jillion times. I pointed out that most Student Union Buildings don't include a huge stage and seating for 2200 (I looked it up...). Meems: "Oh. Yeah."
BTW: If you are looking for a way to get a wheel chair into Waco Hall, look for the breadcrumbs we dropped along the path. You would never find it otherwise.
After Pigskin, we bundled up little Mimi and rolled her over to the Bonfire.
Soon after the above picture was taken, I dropped my Canon Powershot Elf and goofed up the lens. I am still in mourning thank you very much.
Sweet, sweet Bryce walked his Meems up a bit closer to the bonfire so that she could see it.
Alan texted me this picture while I was at the Chi Omega breakfast. He and the boys got Mimi to the parade early so that she could have a front row seat. Can't help lovin' those men of mine.
It was great fun seeing all of my Chi Omega friends. We all swore that we each "looked the same." We lied politely. Hugs were squeezed. Pictures were taken. Memories were shared. Good times.
I hope that Meems will get to go to Homecoming 2012. She loves her some Baylor University.
Alan: Well, good morning, Helen! You're up early! (The Meems usually sleeps until 11AM.)
Meems: I won a prize!
Alan: You won a prize!? Well, let me put you on speakerphone so that Carolyn can hear this!
Alan padded into our room where I was still cozy under the covers trying to enter the World of Awake. Not too successfully, I might add.
Alan: It's your mom. I'm going to put her on speaker.
Me (yawning): Good morning, Mom.
Meems: They gave the Best Costume prize to a couple who were dressed up like a doctor and a nurse. (She always jumps right into the business at hand.) Then, they gave a prize for Funniest Costume to a guy in a blown up suit. I think he was some sort of wrestler.
Me (trying not to remind her that Alan and I had seen the doctor, the nurse, and the sumo wrestler the night before when we went to Raider Ranch for the "photo suit"): He was a sumo wrestler.
Meems: That's right. And, I won a prize for being the Most Halloween-y!!! (She giggled gleefully as only the Meems can.)
Me: Most Halloween-y?! Congratulations, Mom!!
Meems (more giggling): A couple of people told me in the hall that I looked really cute!
Me: Well, you DID look cute!
Meems: I have to go! I'm going to Tai Chi!
Click.
And now....
I present to you...
Raider Ranch's Miss Most Halloween-y!
My costume? I was sporting an orange and black pashmina.
Let me tell you...that Raider Ranch knows how to put on a Halloween par-tay!
The Witch's Brew punch was located conveniently next to the fire alarm.
The Worms and Dirt pudding was especially wormy and dirty.
The obligatory bloody cake was insightfully topped with a plastic arachnid.
But, the best part of all?
Wait for it...
Wait for it...
The bewitching photo wall!
Mom and Leonard, her best friend Sorry they're not smiling. It took us forever to get their faces lined up with the holes. "I need to bend down?" "Where do I put my face?" "Now what do I do?"
On the way to church this morning, Mom asked Leonard if they gave away a Best Witch prize at the party.
Leonard: Yes, they did, indeed.
Meems: Oh. I guess that means I came in 4th Place.
Poor Meems. At least she'll always have "looked cute in the hall."
My Christmas cards have been ordered. I bought my Christmas stamps yesterday. Just now, I ordered my first Christmas gift on amazon.com.
This is the year. With God as my witness, I'm going to be "wrapped and ready by Thanksgiving."
This obsession began years ago when I visited a dear friend in early December (let's just call her Lindy...). Her house was all decorated. There were tons of wrapped presents under the tree. I was agog to say the least.
"Lindy, how did you DO IT!?" I asked.
"I work on it all year. I like to be wrapped and ready by Thanksgiving so that I can actually enjoy the holiday season," she explained.
I had been raised in a you-kids-go-to-bed-because-Santa-Claus-can't-come-until-she-finishes-wrapping-presents home. Mom still tells about the time that she stayed up all night on Christmas Eve to finish some cute clothes that she was sewing up for Kathy and me. The only wrapped presents under our tree before December 25th were the new panties for Grandma and the toy for our little cousin, Sherry. I grew up with no packages to shake.
So, when Lindy uttered those words, a big halo of light surrounded her chestnut curly locks, and cherubs began to sing..."ahhh, ahhh, AHHHHHH!" The Gates of Epiphany were flung wide open before me! I had found a new way to live! Wrapped and Ready by Thanksgiving! How simple! How brilliant!
On that very day, I decided to make WARBT my mission. I tried to trick myself into thinking that November 30th was secretly December 24th. I began to decorate for Christmas just before Thanksgiving. Alan's birthday is December 1, so it felt good to have all of the Christmas regalia in place to mark the occasion.
I had WARBT hopes and dreams. There I would be on December 1 sitting in front of a roaring fire handing Alan his birthday gifts which had been tucked underneath der glowing tannenbaum amongst the beautifully wrapped Christmas gifts for everyone from our parents to the postman. Soft music would be playing...kinda like this...
Ultimately, it was the shopping and the Christmas cards that brought me down. Oh, and the Christmas letter. Sooo...
WARBT = FAIL.
Ibegan to suffer from WARBT Stress Syndrome. I SOOO wanted to be like Lindy and have Christmas Cookie Swaps with my closest 20 friends and their children. I, too, wanted my Christmas cards to appear in mailboxes on December 1. Alas, with three active sons (as opposed to Lindy's FOUR active children), I just couldn't keep all of the Christmas balls in the air.
This year, I have reached the apex of my Empty Nest Freedom. I WILL be WARBT!!!
I will do all of my shopping on Amazon.com within a matter of hours.
I will wrap each present as soon as the all too familiar Amazon.com box lands upon my porch.
I will forgo the Christmas letter and refer people to Finding the Funny: pick-a-post-any-post.
I will try to convince my sons that they are way too old for stockings.
God rest ye merry gentlemoms.
Postscript: I actually told Lindy about my raging case of WARBT Stress Syndrome a few years ago. She laughed and told me that she hadn't been wrapped and ready in years.
Mom had been asking me since September when we could go Halloween costume shopping. "I wish I knew where my scary mask and red wig went," she lamented. "It's a mystery to me," I replied committing complete and total perjury.
She was thinking that she wanted to dress up like a witch. I remembered the French maid costume that she wore to my Pee Wee Herman themed 30th birthday party. For no apparent reason. Then an image similar to this popped into my mind:
from costumesupercenter.com
And, I screamed out loud.
So, I told her that I would work on something really cute for her to wear. It would be a surprise!
About a week ago, I took her "costume" over for a quick try-on. She loves it! And, she looks adorable in it!
Check back in on Halloween. There will be pictures. Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
I was surprised to learn that she wasn't a stay-at-home-mom. It seemed to me that she was always there peeping in on our living room Miss Panola County pageants. "Don't ya'll look pretty?!" "Who did I just hear singing so beautifully?!" I was quite surprised to discover that she actually taught in the music department of the local college for 30 years. When could she have possibly done that? I knew that she taught piano lessons in her living room, but, my childhood memories still place her standing in the kitchen washing dishes and checking on cookies browning in the oven.
Her smile was broad and friendly and spread from her lips to her cheeks to her eyes. Her words were lengthened by soft, Mississipi-born drawls. Her voice was so rich and smooth that it never sounded like she was yelling even when the older brothers tore through the house wrestling and laughing and interrupting the "talent" portion of the little girls' living room beauty pageant.
I remember riding my banana bike down East Neal Street where it dead-ended into her front yard. Rolling across the grass, I dropped my bike close to the front door and bounded up to the front porch. At my knock, she opened the door and flashed a big welcoming smile. "Good morning, Carolyn! Kristi's in her room! Kriiiiiiiis-teeeeeeeee, Carolyn's heeeeere!" Passing through the open door, I was enveloped with the smells of breakfast bacon and coffee mingled with Pine Sol. In her home there was a quiet, orderly peace. It was a soft place to fall. It was a haven for little girls with Miss Panola County dreams.
She never freaked out when the Kristi-Penny-Carolyn Trio scavenged her closet and dresser drawers for high heels, fancy dresses, and jewelry in preparation for a fancy ball, a pageant, or impending nuptials - the triple wedding with the grooms, Paul, Ringo and George (the short straw). She grinned as she walked past her bathroom where we were lined up at the mirror carefully painting our little girl lips with her best lipsticks. She fully embraced our desire to be beautiful ladies in the middle of a long July afternoon. I'm sure that she, too, thought that we would all become the reigning Miss Somethings someday.
Thank you, Myrna Hook. I will never, ever forget your smile. Your love. Your peaceful home. Your makeup drawer. Your beautiful baby grand piano.
You flavored my childhood with sweet, sweet memories. And, yes, Mrs. Hook, this very day I am the reigning Wife and Mother of the Lackey Men of 84th Street. I did it! And, I know you're proud.
I've been really busy this past week, and I'm heading into another busy week. But, I just had to tell you something funny. My mom would totally tell you about this if she saw you. She's really "open" like that.
Conversation on Saturday night:
Mom: I called Sue today.
Me: Great! How was Sue?
Mom: I called her to see if something I did really happened or if I dreamed it.
Me: Huh?!
Mom: I remember crawling through a really long totally dark tunnel as a part of some training for school.
Me: An inservice training with a tunnel?
Mom: That's what I was trying to remember. There were two men who were the leaders who went in front of me. The tunnel was so small that you couldn't turn around and go back. It was pitch black, and it was a looooong tunnel. It was sooo scary! But, I did it! I made it all the way through, and I was the first one to do it!
Me: What did Sue say?
Mom: She said she thought I actually did that.
Me: You're SURE you didn't dream that? It sounds like some of the stuff you dream.
Mom: I thought it might be a dream, but Sue said it happened.
Me: Was Sue there? Did she crawl through the tunnel?
Mom: I don't think so.
My thoughts:
The male leaders were God and Jesus. They were helping Mom make a "practice run."
4:00AM Eyelids begin to flutter. Within minutes, I'm awake. I lay "still and quiet" - a phrase Alan coined for our boys when they were little and "not sleepy yet" - trying to free fall back into delicious slumber.
4:30AM Nothing. Still staring at darkness. Mind begins to wander. All of my worries creep out of the darkness and into my restless mind. My body is still very sleepy. So, I try to relax my mind. Conversation with self: "Relax your jaw muscles...goooood...relax your shoulders...goooood...feel yourself floating in a warm cozy floatation tank with the blue lights on because total darkness would be creepy [Thanks, Groupon, for introducing me to "floating." I haven't tried it. Probably not going to. But it has given me a lot to think about.]...you are light as a cloud floating in a crystal blue sky... Nothing.
5:00AM I'm more awake than I was before my "relaxation exercises." A memory floats to the surface of my thoughts. "You are getting sleepy." "I AM getting sleepy." "You are very sleepy." "I AM very sleepy." "You are light as a feather." "I AM light as a feather." Now, I'm fully awake because I'm going back in time to junior high and high school. The slumber parties. The seances. The...what did we call them?..."Risings?!"...I can't imagine we would have used a big word like "levitation." Let me tell you what it was like. You tell me what it was called.
Mood Music.
A little song I chose because it's so bad. But, back in the day, when it came on the radio while I was sprawled on the bed trying to figure out some "stupid Algebra," it could send me into a somber, pensive, stare-at-the-ceiling, teenaged reverie.
1972. Friday night. 1:00AM.
A group of teenage girls pajama-ed and lounging in a living room. Some are meticulously scraping bean dip out of individual bean dip cans with Fritos. Others are braiding hair. Talking. Talking. Sharing secrets. Gossiping. Roars of laughter. There is one sleeping bag lump in the middle of the fracas. The girl whose bedtime is 10:00PM come rain or shine. Then, someone has an idea...
"Let's have a Seance!"
Mid-conversation, mid-bean-dip, mid-that's-what-I-heard-from-someone-who-told-me-not-to-tell, a chorus arises, "Yeah! Let's have a Seance!"
While someone runs for a candle, I'll take a minute to explain to my young readers that in the days of Viet Nam, The Godfather, and American Pie, our mothers were not the least bit concerned that slumber party seances were occult recruiting sessions.
A candle is lit. The lights go out. Giggles and whispers. A circle of solemnity is formed. Then - "Who's gonna lead it?" "Cindy! You lead! You're good at it!"
We all stare at the candle trying to concentrate on the myriad of ghosts that have been politely swirling around the living room all evening.
"Are there any ghosts in this room?" Cindy asks slowly in a low, mellow voice, "If you are there...show us a siiiiiiiiiiign."
Nothing.
We stare harder at the candle.
"Ya'll! Somebody's not concentrating! If you can't concentrate, go in the kitchen so you don't mess up the seance!"
Full-on, intense candle staring.
A scream followed by unison screams. "Someone touched the back of my neck!! I felt it plain as day!"
"Ya'll! Ya'll!" someone hisses, "Don't scare him away!! Be quiet!!!"
Silence broken by muffled giggles.
Then, after about 10 minutes of mysterious creaks in hollow walls and imagined icy breezes passing by - "Did you feel it? It got really cold right here (an arm waves in the general direction of said breeze), and then, it just went away!" - someone says, "Ya'll!..."
"Let's Make Somebody Rise!"
Eyes turn bright with excitement as the circle of girls - all except for Sleeping Bag Lump - turns into a 5 foot long oval.
"Susan's really light! Let's start with her!!"
"Yeah! Susan, you go first!"
Feeling especially favored by her sometimes catty friends, Susan crawls to the middle of the oval and lies flat on her back with her arms crossed over her chest. The candle is blown out because total darkness is needed to levitate a human being at a slumber party. Jeepers, everybody knows that.
The oval tightens as the girls scoot in to place two fingers of each hand under Susan's body. Someone tickles Susan. She wriggles with giggles.
"Ya'll! We HAVE to take this SERIOUSLY or it won't work! My cousin did this once at a slumber party, and they got a girl to rise up over their heads! BE QUIET AND CONCENTRATE!"
Leader (in a dreamy, supernatural voice): Susan, you are getting sleeeeeeeeepy.
Susan (in sleepy, supernatural voice): I AMMMMM sleeeeeeepy.
Leader: You are getting verrrrrry sleeeeeeeepy.
Susan: I AMMMMMM verrrrrry sleeeeeeeepy.
Sleeping Bag Lump snores softly.
Leader: You are feeling as light as a feather.
Susan: I AMMMMMM light as a feather.
This solemn exchange continues until the leader is satisfied that Susan had entered a dreamlike state. Then, the chanting begins in soft, slow whispers.
A voice coming from Susan's right shoulder: "Ya'll, I don't feel anything! I want more bean dip."
More voices rounding Susan's veeeeeeery sleeeeeepy body: "Me, too." "I have to go to the bathroom. Somebody go with me. I'm scared." "I'll go." "Me, too."
7:05AM in the here and now. Hmm. I'm sitting here wondering why we never levitated Sleeping Bag Lump. She was already sleeeeeepy. Verrrrrrrry sleeeeepy.
